I have not slept for the whole night. Tired of doing so. Since the day I have read an amazing essay about an female music critic facing her depression with the help from baking cookies. It was long, some parts are...corny with too much detail about how to cook a goddamn cookie (Gosh how much I hate those American addictive sweet foods) But the rest is mesmerizing and sophisticated. After finish it I self-diagnose myself that I have too much psychology problem: depression, hallucination, etc. Then I quickly take a shower to wash off that week's dirt. Wash off the disgusting masturbation I did during the week. Yet I still cannot cry. Cannot decide to kill myself. Every times the thought comes in mind, I think about my mom. Then everything disappears.
The next morning (which is yesterday) turned out no better. I found out that some one stole my bike (a $300 bike I bought 2 months ago). I have to walk to school at 10:30 AM while I need to prepare for a presentation on 11:00 AM. I just thought "Gosh, I better kill myself now. I need to smoke a lot of cigarette to die from lung cancer" 20 minutes of walking equals 5 or 6 cigarettes. Lucky, the presentation was ok. I went to another class very next hour then wandering around campus (having lunch, reading manga online on the library).
Wednesday Nov 19, 2 AM
After too tired of writing this post, I cannot go to class (great excuse) So I went to slept up to 4 PM. Another time of internet includes porns, manga, news, gossip, music, youtube and back again. So I guess I better go to sleep now...
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